It's moving day at the office...which means I'm leaving behind the cherry-wooden desk I've staffed since April for a different desk in a different room. I hope I don't get emotional. That desk and I had some great times, like when I spilled coffee on it but it just sat there waiting to get cleaned up instead of running all over the place or into my computer. But alas, we all must go a different direction at some point. So take care, desk, I'll always remember you.
At least until I move into my new desk this afternoon.
On to the news...and because sometimes fake news is better than real news...
Christmas Brought To Iraq By Force
BAGHDAD, IRAQ—On almost every corner in Iraq's capital city, carolers are singing, trees are being trimmed, and shoppers are rushing home with their packages—all under the watchful eye of U.S. troops dedicated to bringing the magic of Christmas to Iraq by force.
"It's important that life in liberated Iraq get back to normal as soon as possible," said Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz at a press conference Monday. "That's why we're making sure that Iraqis have the best Christmas ever—something they certainly wouldn't have had under Saddam Hussein's regime."
To that end, 25,000 troops from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and 82nd Airborne Division have been deployed. Their missions include the distribution of cookies and eggnog at major Iraqi city centers, the conscription of bell-ringers from among the Iraqi citizenry, and the enforcement of a new policy in which every man, woman, and child in Baghdad pays at least one visit to 'Twas The Night... On Ice.
Immediately following the press conference, high-altitude bombers began to string Christmas lights throughout the greater-Baghdad area, and Wild Weasel electronic-warfare fighter jets initiated 24-hour air patrols to broadcast Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" over the nation. Armored columns struck out from all major allied firebases to erect a Christmas tree in the town square of every city, while foot soldiers placed fully lit, heavily guarded nativity scenes in front of every Iraqi mosque.
"Thus far, Operation Desert Santa has gone off without a hitch," said Gen. Stanley Kimmet, commander of U.S. armed reconnaissance-and-mistletoe operations in the volatile Tikrit region of central Iraq. "There has been sporadic house-to-house fighting during our door-to-door caroling, but that's to be expected in a Christmas season of this magnitude." [READ MORE at the Onion]
Music
The Go! Team - Are You Ready for More?
Are you ready for some Friday fun? Check out The Go! Team's Australian exclusive 2005 Limited Edition Tour EP, featuring six tracks, some of which are exclusive to this release. As usual with The Go! Team, the disc provides some great dance your socks off tracks.
Go! Team - "Bottlerocket"
Go! Team - "Did You Feel it Too?"
Go! Team - "Hold Your Terror Close"
Go! Team - "The Ice Storm"
Go! Team - "We Listen Everyday"
Featured Artist: The Kingdom
Too often, a debut EP is little more than a promotional device, incapable of standing alone as a fully realized piece of art. Not so with The Kingdom’s bizarre and wondrous Unitas, a surreal paean to the legendary Baltimore Colts quarterback. The conceptually complete and enthusiastically performed song-cycle finds singer/mastermind Charles Westmoreland re-imagining Johnny Unitas as a mythical deity hurling “the sun across the sky to the locomotive horse with dove wings,” and goes on to tell of a hero “in love and covered in horses’ blood” who plays a cosmic game of football in the heavens. In using a familiar sports hero as the metaphorical point of departure, Westmoreland offers a fitting example of The Kingdom’s aesthetic intent: the transformation of the easily recognizable trappings of contemporary indie rock (melodic guitar jangle, low-budget keyboards) into something otherworldly and divine.
Though Westmoreland’s distinctive poetics and metaphysics alone would make Unitas a compelling debut, the skyscraping vocals and keen melodies transform these songs from bedroom-born 4-track charm into basement party anthems, brimming with teenage abandon. From the complex, intersecting vocal lines of “I Am Constellation” to the soaring choruses of “Arcadia of My Youth,” the EP displays a knowing mastery of Zombies-esque pop, as played by a generation that embraced Guided By Voices, not U2, as rock’n’roll saviors. Though Portland has sprouted many promising pop savants of late, The Kingdom’s meticulous song-craft, coupled with their feverish, ebullient presentation, unite the visceral and the cerebral into an eminently enjoyable and erudite whole. Though their highly anticipated full-length won’t see release until early 2006, Unitas is more than just a promising debut—it is a succinct and highly original work of art, announcing the arrival of a thoroughly unique new talent.
*Info provided by Team Clermont
The Kingdom - "I am Constellation"
The Kingdom - "Driver"
The Kingdom - "Arcadia of my Youth"
Bonus Music:
Tori Amos - "Wild Horses"