I've got a pretty busy weekend planned as well, as we're heading to Green Bay for my sister's 21st birthday on Saturday and then barricading ourselves in a bar for The Super Bowl. As a result, I'll probably post my Super Bowl breakdown tonight after work and then won't return until Monday.
Since it's Friday, I thought we'd take a break from the political or sports stories, at least for this morning, and narrow in on some Friday Funnies. Hopefully these help make your day go a little quicker.
In Order To Save The Whales, We Must Breed With Them
From The Onion
What is happening to the earth's whales? The humpback, once more than 1.5 million strong, now numbers fewer than 20,000. The minke whale, once free to swim the ocean's depths in all its smooth, streamlined glory, has seen its population decimated by commercial fishing in a generation. Since regulation and political pressure have failed to produce results, we have only one option left if there's any hope of saving the future of these massive, supple creatures: We must start breeding with them right away, and not stop until they're saved.
I am not naïve. I know this will be a long, sometimes painful, task. But it is a task we must undertake, no matter the complications inherent in extended periods of underwater copulation.
If we do nothing, we risk depriving our children of these magnificent beasts' tender embrace forever.
There is no longer room for excuses. I am proposing a widespread campaign to preserve the whale's precious habitats, rehabilitate their ecosystems, and titillate their enormous erogenous zones. Who among us can hear the whale sing without being moved by the timeless beauty of the wordless melody? Who can look into those eyes, filled with peace and wisdom, and not be aroused? It is time to consummate my long love affair with the whale in order to prevent its extinction.
I am more than prepared—even excited—to spring into action at a moment's notice to save the whale not only from Japanese poachers, but from the destructive forces of celibacy. The survival of the species, be it toothed or baleen, will be ensured as man and whale writhe together in the surf...[READ MORE]
Sarah Silverman, Media Darling: "My racist jokes are very well thought-out and planned."
Video: Zack Galifianakis - "Pretentious Illiterate"
AN OPEN LETTER TO MARK ZUCKERBERG, FOUNDER AND CEO OF FACEBOOK.COM,
FROM A NEW YORKER MAGAZINE FACT CHECKER.
From McSweeney's
September 1, 2006
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,
After checking many of the profiles on your website, I feel it is my duty to inform you that there are some serious errors present.
Stacey Hessinger's profile claims she is married to Elizabeth Kreuter, a member of her sorority. This statement is false. A word search for Ms. Hessinger's name informs us that she is in a steady relationship with one Terrence Penn, and has been for quite some time. Also, Ms. Hessinger's profile contains some spelling errors; "hott," "rawk," and "kewl" are the three that jump out at me immediately. Perhaps your editors missed those.
Ted Lynch's profile alleges that he is currently employed at "Doin' Jack Shit Industries." A Google search turned up no results for such a company. Mr. Lynch's profile picture is also inaccurate. The photo appears to be of Sean Connery wearing a cowboy hat. After consulting Mr. Lynch's high-school yearbook (Fairfield High, in Fairfield, Connecticut, Class of 2005), I can assure you that he does not resemble Mr. Connery in the slightest, and, after interviewing some of his acquaintances, I have learned that his personal opinion regarding cowboy hats is that they are for "cattle fuckers," a group to which, I am told, Mr. Lynch does not belong. I could provide you with an accurate image of Mr. Lynch if you need one to correct this error...[READ MORE]
And a laugh-related track...if only because the title is "Ha Ha"
Mates of State - "Ha Ha"
Music
Alec Ounsworth Live at Bonnaroo 2006
A couple tracks from the lead singer of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!'s solo performance at Bonnaroo last year, great quality stuff.
Alec Ounsworth - "Untitled (Field Work in Mexico)"
Alec Ounsworth - "Is This Love"
Alec Ounsworth - "The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth"